My Blog

Finally, I do have the time to post my blog again. This is my first blog this year. Everything is cool and nice nowdays, I met new friends and hangout with new friends too, I even play pool quite frequently..hehe I think wanna plays again if Walt is more healthier…
This week I’m quite busy, I got 3 assigment to do, 2 due this week and 1 next week. Friendster.com is not blocked from our college server anymore.. nice. I feel kinda weird coz I’m sitting here typing this coz actually I wanna do my assigment heheh… Btw, this Friday is Good Friday so all Christians must “berpuasa” ok?
I really think thats one thing have changed my life that is the fact that I pray to God and go to church, this sure changed me into a better me and it’s also make my Gay friend, P******** realize what he done is wrong and he said thats he doesnt have feeling for guys like before, the sexual attraction is decreasing.. honestly I hope he become straight coz he’s quite handsome and even he’s choose to be a gay, I will support him as he is my very best friend.
Ok, nuff’ about him, recently as I was doing my homework, I think about the future, what’s ahead of me, it sure freak me out coz this is the first time I really think about it, and I have make my decision and promise that I must have the finest Diploma CGPA and sure make money coz honestly, even I’m not a heiress, my expenses sure is expensive and who goona paid it for me if not myself?? So all the girls that read this, we must realize this and STOP THE EARLY MARRIGE SYNDROME among girls in our age.
There is so much into life that we haven’t experienced yet.. study smart and hard and sure we will own that Harrier..heheh… coz I want one Harrier… Please think about our future, we can’t really trust our men, trust ourselves, advise your sisters, cousins and girls friends.. please… stop early marrige among teenagers…

This xmas i hve been given the most wonderful gift. I couldnt forget how that felt to me. For the first time im feeling that life is something that we cant predict, we think we’re happy but the truth always hurt then before.

This wonderful present sure has it own devine meaning to me. But this present sure makes the women im becoming…. without them who am i… i just want the both of you know ,mum and dad, no matter what you guys done, i will always love you guys… even though its hurts inside..

Thank you God for giving us strength to get through this wonderful xmas present.

you know what, i dont like my  friend (name B.S) . she said im  her "so-call friends". she said im her friends through sad and happy. yeah right. you knw what she is so f*cking wrong abt tht. what i know tht she stab me in the back. she talk bad abt me bhind my back.

she said lots of bad things abt me…thanks for it, and from what i know she not only spoils my beans to one person only but to lots of people!!. now, if im that bad, as bad as her, i will tell everyone what she tld me. but im not you dear. let just said what i done for you, what secrets you told me is still secrets. from all of the girls i always hangout with, your the nicest, but honestly now i know your a fake, a f*cking fake!!

why dont you just said it to me right in front of my face if you dont like me? dear, reality does hurt, but the most pain i feel now tht you stab me in the back!!

you just see what you done for me, and anyway i always appericiate it, but you’r not doing it honestly.. but have you think what i done for you. did you ever think abt tht??

and then, you hangout with this girl ( name A.R.B) you call her your " so-call BEST FRIEND" and shes my friend too. i just remember tht you so hate her before we became housemate, i still remember tht you call her " cheap-w*ore" so much for a cheap-w*ore tht bcame your "best friends" right dear? you dont like her bcoz you said shes going out with a lots of guys and you dont know how can she be like tht, clubbing and etc. well guess what?? you just bcome like the girl that u hate. you drink, you smoke and you have sex with your so called "boyfriends", yes there are more than 1 guy. then you hate one of the boys (name E, that in Sabah now) bcoz he treat you not more than 1 night stand… now dear how does you feel while you reading this?? burning inside right? well, you know tht i’m not lying.

back to the story for A.R.B, couple of months back you and her might have a fight maybe thts the reasons you spoils her beans to everyone too. you tell us her stories, tht she lied to most of us, tht she doing an abortion, she cheated her family, and so on… is tht what you call bestfriends?? bestfriends dont spoils others beans to everyone, bestfriends kept secrets, they forgive each others, they dont count every single things they done to their friends. honestly dear you need to consider and understand more abt what we call FRIENDSHIP!!

FRIENDSHIP is not a joke, its abt trust and sorry dear, i dont trust you no more. sorry. btw, i do appriciate all the things you done to me and all of everythings.

los of love…

friends??

Honestly, I don’t know what’s up with me. Some girls might say that they HATE when their boys’ smokes. But I don’t. I like that taste. A taste of a smokes and beers is the kiss that I like. Weird huh? Well probbly bcoz I like beers too. C I’m kinda of weird though….

Do u have that dreams about your loves one, that end up with a sad ending, such dying?? Its happen to me last night… Honestly in my dream in cried, luckly i’m not crying on my bed.. So sad…

That’s when i realize that i love her so much… i’m fellin bad as i miss her grow up, missin her laugh, missin her smiles.. missin her smells…. Gosh, thank God she’s alive… I miss her… If anything ever happen to her, Nobody won’t thanks God!!

I miss her so much.. she’s my girl, she’s my sister, Lazaree.. Miss her. Just want her to know that I will always be there with her, soulfully…

Ok, aku dah tension dh nanga nembiak kat kolej aku bh… Iboh d padah gk nak nembiak baru nak eksen2 ya… sampai kelakar "LEPEH".. Aku ingat nembiak LEPEH ni tek paduhal LEPEH MIRI and BINTULU. Ingat terre lah tek? Mun nanga orang menjeling2.. Lan betul. Apa gk semenjak nembiak2 nya dah geng ngan Uncle Sot ya… iboh jak, dah tua berangan jadi muda kah? Lan… Ada masa aku molah dirik empun mauk jadi geng org tok, kelak di mbak ku clubbing kth org, dh ya jual ku ktk org…. hahah… biar kenak rogol… nyaman rasa, muka pun kedak muka sundal nak mintak rogol… Dah make up over, ndang berbelang2 lah muka, rasa putih ngan kacak, mun putih tek sik juak apa, mun kacak sik jua apa.. dah muka jaik… Lan… dah ya fashion kedak INDIA STREET…. Lan betul…. mmg dasar nembiak kenak CULTURE SHOCK!!!! CHOW LOK, MAU MAKAN LOK…

This is the time when I need alcahol….. Stress, Tension, Bengang, pedis pala,… everyting!!

Stupid, Life is not fair!! My emotion lately is so when i was the rabelious mosh…. honestly, i don’t want to go there anymore and being the stupid teeneger that do nothing except ruing my own future!!

And i got sleepless night. want to go clubbing pun cannot, short course schedule is so pack… lot’s of things i cannot do, even i cannot sms with my love at night, i just call him in a short time…. boring, susah….

what to do, i think this is the time when i have to sacrife for my future……

Here I’m sitting in front of this computer… I felt very lonely today. I miss my boo very much.LDR is so complicated. It’s so hard, I miss him very much. Can’t wait to go back to my sweet hometown.

Guilt is upon me today. Mistakes and scandals I’ve make, sure make me burn in hell. For me God is not fair. As I have no love for him as I started to believing in his name.. Forgive me God as I have sined… Why you give my life in this path? Wasn’t there any bright path God can give to me?

Was attention that I seek? Yes. But that attention always bring sin to me. Bad luck is my middle name. For years that I lived my life, bad luck is often came, lady luck seldom walk past me… Am I born with bad luck? Yes.

Somestimes I felt life wasn’t worth it. But my love kept me me walkin’ thru the path. Horror and sadness company me along the path, seldom joy and happines just past me thru.. If I have joy, smoothly it’s out from my grab and joyness never be with me for long and no matter what destiny have with me I know one thing that i WILL NEVER make it out from my grab; the one that i love very much.. My family and Nicholas M. becoz u’r love always fills me no matter how anger and bad luck covered me!!!

Loves u all no matter who hard sadness want to grab it. Forgive me as my love to all of u is endless… there’s no end to this love.. I’ll bring it to the grave and hell and no matter I go or no matter where God place me when I’m gone…

K.. I’m alone in the lib. now… Bored..updated my friendster already. Class dismiss, no friends wth me here. Bored…again! College’s is sunyi now… bcoz most of the students holiday already.

Well, nowdays I want to change my lifestyle but I just couldn’t. I’m hipokrit for sure. I always deny things I’ve done and things I surely will do. Hard to change my habit. My friends always ask me: why always make tht sad face? The answer from me to u guys: Sukati aku lah!! I got lots of probs tht I don’t want to share wth ppl around me. my secret is mine!

Don’t ask more about me.. My life is not interesting.. it’s full of horror and saad stories…

But anyhow… thanks for being around when I need and I know 1 thing tht will never change about me is I always want to have a nice time and a nice partying time.

FYI: I’m not an alcoholic I’m just the party type. Yes, there are differences btwen tht two…

Muahkx… Have a nice rockin’ time…

the Chivas Party last time was so great. Sad tht some of our friends could not make it, but anyway thanks for giving and adding some Vodka and Benson too. Thanks…

Muaahhh……..